Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
