I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize