I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
