I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize