I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
