Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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