I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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