4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
