why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
