so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
