There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
