I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
