Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
