The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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