Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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