yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
