The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize