Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
