we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
