the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
