the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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