It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize