Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
