is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
