i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
