I wish my penis had an off switch
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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