New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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