things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
