Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
