Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
