I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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