no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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