please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize