3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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