I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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