After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
