She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
