we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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