That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
