someone get that fucking seahorse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
