i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
