Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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