I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
