i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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