capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize