That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
