dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
