don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
