Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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