Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she told me i tasted like america
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
