I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she looked like the before picture.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
