I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
