my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
