Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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