She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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