Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
