Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
