you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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