How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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