They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My balls are so social today.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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