Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
