I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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