I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
