her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
