My friends, they love my intelligence
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
