guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
