Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
