He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
