The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
