No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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