she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize