If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
