I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
