4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
