dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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