All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
