I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
