Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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