90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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