After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
