Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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