just tell him i said nine months
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
