Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
