I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
