If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
