Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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