Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
