I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
