it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
